I had a recent experience where someone was absolutely frustrated and angry and hurting. As the nearest person in the area, that anger became directed towards me. At first, I felt my own frustrations rising (just further proof that these negative emotions can be quite contagious).
But realizing that returning the anger would only increase the source of the anger even more, I decided a different tactic. I listened. I replied with good intention. I demonstrated I understood their pain, and their hurt. And despite a bit of pushback, I kept being kind to them.
It worked. Within a few minutes, the anger had subsided and the person was feeling much more calm. They were very appreciative of my response, and I was grateful that I hadn’t just inflamed the situation.
I’m going to keep an eye out for opportunities to combat negative emotions with kindness, and see how well it works in other areas as well. Looking forward to it.
Just yesterday I had received a nasty email from a lawyer. As I read through it, I could feel my blood boiling. I wanted to hit “REPLY” and give them a piece of my mind. But since I started writing again, whenever I find myself getting emotionally reactive, I am curious to find out “WHY?”. It has served me well so far.
Why ask “WHY?”? There are a few benefits I can think of:
- It immediately places a bit of distance between you and reacting. The process of thinking about this could very well give you enough time to cool down a bit.
- Emotions are natural. Anger, frustration, hurt, these are all normal. Trying to understand them can help us uncover the reasons why we do things, which can help us react better in the future.
- Looking for the reasons why we do things triggers our pre-frontal cortex. Rather than looking at things as simply ‘just the way they are’, we treat it like a problem that should be solved. It’s a puzzle, and there’s a bigger picture that needs uncovering. This too could give the necessary space from the problem and the emotion allowing us to deal with it with grace.
- By shining the spotlight on yourself, instead of the subject of your anger, you give yourself the chance to grow and to improve. There is no limit to how much we can improve, and the only person we need to best is the person we were yesterday.
So the next time you feel yourself growing angry, or frustrated, and want to lash out, pause and ask “WHY?” to try to uncover the reason why something triggered that reaction within you. Responding to these situations with calm, grace, self-awareness, and self-love/care not only makes the situation better, but it makes us better humans overall.
Every single one of us have our own struggles to deal with. We worry, we procrastinate, we don’t feel good enough, we wish we had more money.
But when you think about it, every single of these problems is self-created. They’re real, but they are only real because we’ve created them in our minds. We’ve attached ourselves to the way things should be, rather than accepting what is. The Buddha was right when he said desiring and attachment are the primary cause of unhappiness.
It’s all in our heads, but it doesn’t have to be this way. The key is to see life as it is, without all the ideals and fantasies you’ve created in your mind. Let go of all those stressful distractions and just accept and experience the moment.
Considering this, now would be an opportune time to remind of yourself of some hard truths about life that will benefit you in the long run.
Here are 20 truths that you have to embrace!
Source: 20 Inconvenient Truths About Life No One Wants to Admit – Hack Spirit
So what does a morning ritual need to contain to put you in the right frame of mind to be productive? And happy? (Yeah, happy is important. This is a “morning ritual”, not a “mourning ritual.”) Just remember PCO:
Why these three? What do they do? How do you turn these three nouns into a Tyrannosaur of a morning ritual that will make the Earth tremble at your approach?
What does the research say the best morning ritual consists of? Here’s what studies and experts conclude about starting a productive, happy day.
Source: This Is The Best Morning Ritual: 3 Secrets From Research – Barking Up The Wrong Tree
Happiness and success in life depend on ‘soft skills’. In this article, you’ll learn the top 50 soft skills you need to reach your full potential.
Source: 50 Soft Skills for Lifelong Happiness and Success
If you are not sure how to find your passion and whether what you are doing is leading to fulfilling your dreams, here is a technique that can help.
It seems that all we are hearing these days is Follow your passion; Just live your dreams; It’s never too late; or something along those lines.
Yet, no one seems to bother with telling us how to behave if we still haven’t discovered our passion, or it is laying buried beneath our parents or society’s expectations of us. There’s no doubt that once you decide to follow your true passion and know what you want, you will become unstoppable in achieving great things.
However, the struggle most of us face is not knowing what that thing is for us, and we too often end up switching from career to career only to become exhausted and hopeless and feeling stuck in someone else’s dream.
From early on in our lives, we weren’t programmed to make any decisions that are contradicting those of our families, teachers or peers. We are so used to following certain set of rules and programs, that we rarely stop to think how we truly feel about these.
And, sadly, before you know it, we are at work, doing something we are not sure how we feel about, or, even worse, we realize that it is something we don’t enjoy doing at all.
Source: How To Find Your Passion And Struggles You Might Encounter
“The deeper your present moment peace gets, the easier it’ll be to react non- passionately when confronted with hostility. As this gets better, you can begin to realize more deeply just how much someone has to be suffering internally in order to have such harsh reactions. With enough insight, you can develop your empathy and compassion based off this knowledge and these also help you remain even more peaceful in the present moment.
Eventually, with enough compassion and insight on your side, you can begin to extinguish the fires of hostility by extinguishing anger with patience and understanding… It’s hard to continue treating someone harshly when they continue treating you well. In helping them relieve these feelings, you not only help them but you also help yourself, since you no longer have to deal with them as they were.”
Source: A Zen Master Reveals the Giveaway Signs of a Toxic Person and the Most Powerful Way to Deal With Them – Ideapod blog